All you do is pray sometimes
Update 1730: Breathing on his own, vitals stable, afebrile.
My brother is in the hospital and on life support. He had surgery yesterday for a badly damaged pancreas and when they opened him up they found he pretty much didn't even have one anymore. Just infection and a burning soup of digestive enzymes and God knows what else. They are trying to get him breathing again and cleaned out so he doesn't go septic. I've been estranged from him for around 5 years. I taught him to play football when he was a kid. He was a big kid. I taught him to block and tackle in the front yard and used to be the only one to go to his football games. He didn't stick with football, it really wasn't his sport.
I taught him to fight back when our other brother used to beat his ass on a fairly regular basis, until high school when he knocked the bully bro into next week during a brawling fight and he quit getting picked on. They later became pretty good friends. When we were kids he and I shared a big bed in a bedroom. One night he overate lasagna, a food I wouldn't eat back then (I was a very picky eater as a kid and hated foods with intense smells), he was always a big eater, and I remember waking up in the morning wet and slimy and smelling this horrid intense smell of lasagna sauce and I realized he'd rolled over during the night and vomited a copious amount of undigested lasagna all over me, then rolled back over and slept dry and warm. I remember being so happy when I finally got my own room in the basement, even if it was unfinished.
He's 46. We used to mountain bike together - outlaw riding in the Dishman Hills Natural Resource Area, screaming down from Mount Spokane past moose and vistas that take your breath away, down to our lake place. Used to ski with him when we got along. I always figured we'd make up one day. Bygones be bygones. Fuck.
What a tragic post. Vomit and unresolved sibling strife. "I always figured we'd make up one day." Tragic. Fuck is right. Fuck.
Hello, Bob.
Posted by: scott | November 19, 2008 at 05:45 AM
bob-
hoping you two will be on the slopes again together. i'll even pray.for.snow. ((((hug))))
Posted by: glynis | November 19, 2008 at 07:38 AM
Bob, I hope you get the chance to make up with your brother, but even if you aren't able to communicate directly, please be at peace. I'm not the most religious fellow but I do believe that good vibes, thoughts, prayers, call it what you will ... I do believe they can span tremendous distances and dimensions. Somehow he will know that you love him.
Posted by: D Huygens | November 19, 2008 at 08:19 AM
Holy crap dude.. I'm so sorry...for the vomit and the unresolved stuff... that sucks. So sorry.
Posted by: toadman | November 19, 2008 at 08:46 AM
Will be keeping you and the family in my thoughts at this time... so sorry to hear this sad news
Posted by: Michele | November 19, 2008 at 09:14 AM
Will be keeping you and the family in my thoughts at this time... so sorry to hear this sad news
Posted by: Michele | November 19, 2008 at 09:15 AM
Tough news, Bob. I wish your brother and you the best, and a chance to speak again.
Posted by: Larry Jones | November 19, 2008 at 10:20 AM
Never had to do the sibling thing, which is why I am far more rigid with people than you are. Nonetheless, blood is not always thicker than water, no matter how much we want it to be. All you can do is try to do the right things when you can. If the right things don't work, just set that piece of life on the shelf and wait to see what happens. I no longer try to change things I cannot change, especially family. I hope he makes it.
Posted by: riggs | November 19, 2008 at 10:32 AM
I'm so sorry, Bobness. I'll be thinking of you and will be hoping for the best for you and your brother. And oh, how I've learned lately how "best" has so many definitions.
xoxo
Posted by: blue girl | November 19, 2008 at 03:12 PM
Take care of yourself, Bob. Peace,
Posted by: joanna | November 19, 2008 at 04:03 PM
:( I thought Mike was getting better, be it ever so slowly? :(
dam bugger and fuck.....
x
Posted by: marmitetoasty | November 19, 2008 at 04:47 PM
Bob, so, so sorry. That sucks. I hope you get a chance to square things with him, but even if you don't, just a desire on your part to do so is good. I had a sibling issue too, with my younger sister and she went and died when she was 17 years old, before I could, or even knew I should, clean up my side of the street. It took years before I could forgive myself. tremendous waste of time and energy. I pray you'll get to let it go.
Posted by: ThomG | November 19, 2008 at 07:01 PM
Hey, Bob. Prayers in my heart and a hand on your shoulder.
Something tells me your brother remembers those fighting lessons, and maybe even the lasagna, just as well as you do, and probably holds them in his heart the same way as well. Blessings to you both; your relationship is far from over.
Posted by: Transplanted Texan | November 19, 2008 at 08:49 PM
Bob, My prayers go out for you as well. God bless.
Posted by: Bob Taylor | November 19, 2008 at 09:10 PM
Bob. Fuck. I don't pray anymore. We have similiar brothers.
Posted by: phil | November 19, 2008 at 09:32 PM
Bob. Fuck. I don't pray anymore. We have similiar brothers.
Posted by: phil | November 19, 2008 at 09:35 PM
Bob
I am 42 and one of my brothers(Barlow)is 5 years younger(37). Although we are not estranged in any way, he and I do share some very fond memories of our collective youth. He actually tagged along on a date with me, sitting silently in the back seat....giggling.... and I did teach him how to play golf, tennis, basketball, football etc etc.
Focus on the good memories Bob. And for goodness sake try to let him know you love him and are thinking about him. Have the nurses place flowers. Have the doctors or nurses hold up a paper print out of todays post. Have them read it to him out loud. Is he nearby ? Blow up some pictures and frame them ?
Sorry about all the rookie advice above.
Bottom line, I feel for you man.
All 15 of us posters here pray for you and your little bro.
God Bless
Posted by: David Elton | November 19, 2008 at 10:15 PM
What's past is past and you can't change that, but you CAN remember the good parts of your and your brother's life together as I'm sure he still remembers. Thinking of you and hoping you'll be able to go see him, put your hand on his shoulder, and tell him you're there for him. He will know.
(Linda L from the Huckleberries blog.)
Posted by: lew2nl | November 19, 2008 at 10:31 PM
BTW, Bob, about the post title. My mother says about the power prayer: prayer is never the least you can do; it's always the most you can do.
Posted by: Transplanted Texan | November 19, 2008 at 11:34 PM
I would hold your hand and hug you so very tight if I could..... but Im not there.... so all I can offer are my thoughts and best wishes.... and to let you know Im thinking of you all... I got the lowdown from Shelley last night, so I know a little more of whats what...
know YOU ALL are in my thoughts heart and in my lost soul....
much much love Melody oxo
Posted by: marmitetoasty | November 20, 2008 at 12:11 AM
Damn.
Posted by: Sisyphus | November 20, 2008 at 11:57 AM
Hope he pulls thru, Bob, and ya'll can reconcile.
Posted by: green libertarian | November 20, 2008 at 07:54 PM
So sorry, Bob.
Posted by: mik | November 21, 2008 at 12:17 AM
Dear Bob,
I can feel your pain, may your brother get well soon. Please may I know his name so I may pray & light a candle for you both. God bless you, Michelle.
Posted by: Michelle Zom | November 21, 2008 at 02:17 AM
Bob: I am praying for you and your brother's recovery. This really sucks - I know it did for me last summer when I was afflicted by the pancrease. I'm sure you and your brother can make a come back even if ever so small it would be a start and I'm sure he knows in his heart you love and care for him. They say time heals all wounds. Peace bro - your in my thoughts.
Posted by: Truly | November 21, 2008 at 07:10 AM