May 2008

Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
        1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30 31

Recently Updated Weblogs

Blog powered by TypePad

sc2


CCL

Spring Ain't Sprung

What has happened to Spring? Driving back to Pugetopia yesterday my truck got bodyslammed so hard by a fist of Columbia River gorge wind on the Vantage bridge that it blasted me halfway into the next lane, which was thankfully unoccupied.  The wind was brutal all the way to the pass. Stopping at Indian John Hill rest stop I about froze in my cargo shorts.  The pass itself was a nasty misty windy cloudy rainy and snowy mixy crap haul. Did see a smoking airbag deployment wreck off to the side. Everyone looked ok.

It's sunny right now as I type this. I don't know what the forecast calls for. I don't even really care anymore. We've been robbed of Spring. I bet it's a hundred degrees below zero out. I bet a twister full of broken glass and blowdarts will suck me up in a vortex of climatic fury only to deposit me on a witch and then I'll be all like "hey I'm sorry it didn't work out, but you know, I have my relationship standards and all ..." and then the sun will burst forth from the clouds like a magnificent exploding zit of sheer Godly power or perhaps an escape pod accidentally and tragically escaping from a mothership rapidly de-orbiting the earth because the weather is becoming UNINHABITABLE.

Have a great day. Stay warm.

hundred to sear

out here in the razorblade dreamcult, hope is the anticoagulant (as the veins open) and time is the Lord Conspirator for every moment pissed and fucked away he conspires a hundred to sear little holes in our hearts

Word of the Day for Angry People: Recalcitrant

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) - Cite This Source - Share This

re·cal·ci·trant   Audio Help    [ri-kal-si-truhnt] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–adjective 
1. resisting authority or control; not obedient or compliant; refractory.
2. hard to deal with, manage, or operate.
–noun 
3. a recalcitrant person.

[Origin: 1835–45; < L recalcitrant- (s. of recalcitrāns, prp. of recalcitrāre to kick back), equiv. to re- re- + calcitr(āre) to strike with the heels, kick (deriv. of calx heel) + -ant- -ant]

re·cal·ci·trance, re·cal·ci·tran·cy, noun 

1. resistant, rebellious, opposed. See unruly.

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

Sentence Usage: After spending about 15 minutes futilely explaining to his recalcitrant co-worker on the framing crew that it was time  for a lunch break, Tim grabbed his nail gun and shot his co-worker through the knee.

Word of the Day for Clumsy People: Tibia

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) - Cite This Source - Share This

tib·i·a   Audio Help    [tib-ee-uh] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun,  plural  tib·i·ae   Audio Help    [tib-ee-ee] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation, tib·i·as.
1. Anatomy. the inner of the two bones of the leg, that extend from the knee to the ankle and articulate with the femur and the talus; shinbone.
2. Zoology.
a. a corresponding bone in a horse or other hoofed quadruped, extending from the stifle to the hock.
b. (in insects) the fourth segment of the leg, between the femur and tarsus. 

[Origin: 1685–95; < L tībia lit., reed pipe]

tib·i·al, adjective 

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

Sentence Usage: The heavy fellow holding an extra large popcorn and large Diet Dr. Pepper misstepped in the dark movie theater aisle, tripping and falling and shattering his tibia in four places.

Stages of Moral Development Dream "Candy Turtle Babies"

I had a dream this morning right before I woke up and I was at some get together with in laws and their kids, years ago, and it was a pretty cool dream, everyone getting along and visiting and stuff but there was this part of the dream, in fact it was shortly before my alarm blasted me awake, where I had found a piece of really good chocolate candy, maybe from a candy dish I don't recall, and it was shaped similar to a Cadbury egg and was dark brown with some sort of decorative darker brown sprinkles on it in bands.

So, I'm talking with this toddler/preschooler version of a nephew of mine (he looked different in the dream than the actual nephew) and I'm showing him this piece of candy and explaining to him how it is a "turtle egg, with a baby turtle in it and I just found it and blah blah blah" then I pop the candy intp my mouth right in front of him and start chomping it up  and the poor little guy just stares at me in wide eyed horror for a second or two then starts shrieking. His mom, who observed the entire interaction, bends down and holds him and comforts him and doesn't even shoot me a dirty look. Although somehow I knew that was coming later. Then I woke up.

So, what does this dream mean? That's it's wrong to tease little kids? That not everything is worth doing just because one thinks it is funny? That I have unresolved issues with some in laws?  Nah. I'm not sure what it means, maybe it mean that sometimes in life one should just eat the really good chocolate candy and not make a big production out of it or maybe something else. What do you think it means?

Weekend At Kalaloch

006 001 005 009 011014 016 018019 024028 032

And since that day, Raven has never been bored. In fact, at times he has almost regretted bringing the first men and women together. From the strong muscles of the clam and the soft lips of the Chiton, from the pairing of these first people came the first families. Children were born, some strong and male, some soft and female. Many generations have been born, have grown and flourished, have built and created or fought and destroyed. Many have blamed the Raven for playing a terrible joke on humanity, for often men and women just barely get along, but somehow from this strange combination of reason and intuition, of muscle and emotion arose that which was needed for the race to survive the storms of life on the shores.

Raven himself felt strange protective urges for these first people. Though a glutton and trickster by nature, he would again and again provide for these creatures he found in the clamshell. In time he would bring them the Sun, Moon and Stars; Fire; Salmon and Cedar, teach them the secrets of hunting, and the world. Raven would watch these weak creatures become both strong and loving, courageous and compassionate, able to fend for themselves and survive.

And their children were no timid shell-dwellers, but they continued to be children of the wild coast, of the stormy shores between the land and the sea. They challenged the strength of the stormy north Pacific wresting their livelihoods from the sea even as they made their homes on its shores.

-Excerpt from Haida creation myth

Screw ravens. I went camping this weekend at Kalaloch. The ravens were messing with me. I expect they are not pleased with me and certain of my, shall we say, proclivities? I was sitting in my camp chair reading a book and just digging the whole beach panorama groovebuzz when I noticed the pesky bastards kept flying by me and mock diving at one who apparently they were not happy with. This ridiculous spectacle continued for some time and I recall watching one glide by slowly and imagining how easy it would be to plant a bb or pellet into its fat body from my sitting position.

So I imagined that and went back to my book and not 2 or 3 minutes later I get SHAT ON by one of the fuckers. Seriously splattered on my thankfully windbreaker clad arm. My first thought when this spray of white splashed on and about me was there was some freakish storm of liquid hail (seriously thought this) before I realized to my disgusted horror that one of these loathsome birds nailed me.  That happened yesterday in the evening. This morning after hiking down to Ruby Beach, I returned to my jeep to see the fender and hood got SHAT ON by another one. Jerks. 

Anyway, I prefer Blue Jays even if they are thieving bastards. I fed that one (in the pic) the crust from my lunch sandwich yesterday. The Quinault, the tribe that inhabited the Kalaloch area, substituted the Blue Jay for the Raven in their transformer myths (bird that would transform into humans). Who can blame them? Blue Jays are cute. Ravens are evil shitbirds.

The next pic (as always these are thumbnails and if you click on them they get HUGE per the miracle of modern thumbnail technology) is some fishing rope net crap that washed up.

The next is a shot of the driftwood that is ubiquitous and a troublesome pain in the ass for hiking over on Northern Pacific beaches in Washington state.

Mi casa su casa. My Kelty tent. I slept like crap last night, tossing and turning and it was REALLY cold, like mid 30s. Good tent though, I'm just not in camping mode yet.

My camp chair on a little bluff which was part of my campsite. It was way cool having a site that gave direct access and view to the beach below. E-5 if you're even at Kalaloch.

Seastack thinger at Ruby Beach. I went to Ruby Beach this morning as it's far prettier than Kalaloch, which isn't bad actually, but Ruby is a must visit when I'm in the area.

Shot down Ruby Beach to the south. Rugged rocky beach, very cool. No ravens.

Pawprints of something. I am thinking maybe a raccoon, who in my personal mythology is the mortal enemy of the Raven and can kill them with mind rays.

Weird scary cave thing under a massive eroded cliffside. It had cool rocks in it that had recently washed or rockslided down from the cliff above. I wanted to go in and explore them but I am a chickenshit when it comes to caveish things under massive eroded dangerous cliffs. Call me chicken!

Ruby Beach from the trail. Pretty ain't it.

Loathsome bird devil. They have so much demonic power they sent out blurry unfocused force fields to keep my camera from focusing on their hideous visages.

My jeep loaded up on the way home. I took out the rear seat and could pack everything in. Pretty full though.

Fun trip, loves me some ocean.

Word of the Day for Dumb People: Cookie

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) - Cite This Source - Share This

cook·ie   Audio Help    [kook-ee] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun 
1. a small cake made from stiff, sweet dough rolled and sliced or dropped by spoonfuls on a large, flat pan (cookie sheet) and baked.
2. Informal. dear; sweetheart (a term of address, usually connoting affection).
3. Slang.
a. a person: a smart cookie; a tough cookie.
b. an alluring young woman.
4. Computers. a message, or segment of data, containing information about a user, sent by a Web server to a browser and sent back to the server each time the browser requests a Web page.
5. South Atlantic States (chiefly North Carolina). a doughnut.
6. Scot. a bun.
7. toss or spill one's cookies, Slang. to vomit.
Also, cooky.


[Origin: 1695–1705, < D koekie, dial. var. of koekje, equiv. to koek cake + -je dim. suffix]

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

Sentence Usage: Buford Delbert Henry the Fourth, if you takes one more cookie 'gin withouts askin' firstly I'm a gonna tan your hide a good one, Mister.

Word of the Day for Dumb People: Fussy

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) - Cite This Source - Share This

fuss·y   Audio Help    [fuhs-ee] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–adjective,  fuss·i·er, fuss·i·est.
1. excessively busy with trifles; anxious or particular about petty details.
2. hard to satisfy or please: a fussy eater.
3. (of clothes, decoration, etc.) elaborately made, trimmed, or decorated: All the bric-a-brac gave the room a fussy, cluttered look.
4. full of details, esp. in excess: His writing is so fussy I lose the thread of the story.

[Origin: 1825–35; fuss + -y1]

fuss·i·ly, adverb 
fuss·i·ness, noun 

2. particular, choosy, finicky, persnickety.

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

Usage: If she weren't that fussy she'd marry that retarded boy down from Kellogg.

Word of the Day for Dumb People: Car

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) - Cite This Source - Share This

car1   Audio Help    [kahr] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun 
1. an automobile.
2. a vehicle running on rails, as a streetcar or railroad car.
3. the part of an elevator, balloon, modern airship, etc., that carries the passengers, freight, etc.
4. British Dialect. any wheeled vehicle, as a farm cart or wagon.
5. Literary. a chariot, as of war or triumph.
6. Archaic. cart; carriage.

[Origin: 1350–1400; ME carre < AF < LL carra (fem. sing.), L carra, neut. pl. of carrum, var. of carrus < Celt.; cf. OIr carr wheeled vehicle]

carless, adjective 

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

Sentence Usage: Jimmy done left the baby in the car 'gin.

He's the Luckiest Fish in the World

002 004

Ho Chi Finh has new digs! When I was in Spokane this past weekend me and Shaners went to Evergreen Pet Store and I picked up those groovy new fake aquatic plants. The seashells were ones I'd collected off Northern Pacific beaches over the years and the gorgeous polished agates and jaspers were gem chips I'd had sitting in a tumbler barrel for at least 4or 5 years until I dug em out and washed em and gave them to Ho for his sweet love pad!

I was telling Kim on the phone about the new set up and excitedly relaying to her how happy I could tell Ho was, like he was thinking "man, I've got the coolest joint for a Betta evah!" and Kim calmly replied "Bob, I think you should go for a hike, get out of your apartment for a bit."

HAHAHAHAHA

And miss Ho's tankwarming party? You kiddin' me!

And please, I know the water isn't all the way to the top but Bettas CAN JUMP.

Anyway, is this not the coolest?

Ethical Dilemma: Organ Donation

Andeancondorconures

You are a major romance novelist. You have lucked upon a formula for the genre that has made you a gabillionaire - all of your romance novels are set in trailer courts and feature innocent beautiful trailer women trapped in lower SEC-status lives through no fault of their own (although the careful and cynical reader may detect a certain lack of ambition combined with an overabundant attitude of victimization by a greedy and uncaring society in these dewy eyed and glistening beauties) until a deeply tanned, gorgeously handsome and eventually shirtless objet du désir just happens to move into the Pine Vu or Morning Glory trailer park. Then blah blah blah.

You have written a dozen of your stunningly successful trailer romances. You are filthy rich. You are so rich you have decided to retire at an obscenely young age and see the world from an aircraft carrier converted into a yacht equipped with personal jets and choppers. 

So one morning you are sitting on your veranda having a cup of coffee. You gaze out upon your mountain kingdom, an actual kingdom you had built to exactly replicate some Elven kingdom from the Silmarillion and you've angrily dismissed one of your servants, who are required to undergo massive facial reconstruction surgery to physically appear as orcs because you can never get enough of orcs serving you stuff, except this morning when for some odd reason you have no stomach for it. Maybe it's the impending aircraft carrier voyage or maybe it's something else. Well, you don't know but it's odd that teasing the help isn't making you chortle and smirk.

Then it hits you. You have not resolved the deeply felt loss when your beloved pet Andean Condor, Mr. Poopyfeathers*, died tragically while soaring high on a thermal when he suddenly collided with a Twin-Otter floatplane while you and he were on a quick salmon fishing getaway on some pristine river teeming with giant Chinook salmon on the Kenai Peninsula in Alaska.

God how you miss Mr. Poopyfeathers. The way he would perch on your Kevlar clad arm and eat pieces of rotten carrion you would hand feed him. How he loved big chunks of decaying Wildebeest specially imported on container ships with Liberian manifests. God how you loved taking him to local schools to teach kids about vultures. "OK, kids, how many of you think that instead of eating a bologna sandwich your mom made you for lunch it would be way funner to peck the eyeballs out of a dead deer!"

Maybe the whole tour the world from the USS MeMeMe was just a desperate and crazy way to forget Mr. Poopyfeathers. Maybe retirement is just the easy way out. You don't know anymore - all this money and you just don't know the right answers.

So what do you do? Do you donate your kidney so your ex girlfriend Maryssa's  baby will live, knowing that even though you are the best match in the world (at 3.7 gatrillion to one odds) and aren't even genetically related to the baby (she had the state test you for paternity) and she's your ex because she cheated on you with Roman Rock the incredibly handsome new guy who just moved into the Green Branches Trailerpark - Roman Rock who is the new guy who hides his past from others, who  mysteriously receives calls on his cellphone and disappears for hours - do you give her baby your kidney and live a life with only one knowing that one sharp blow from a golf club armed mugger could end it all for you?

What do you do?

*New World Condors engage in urohydrosis which is the behavior of releasing  feces onto their legs as a cooling mechanism.

Happy?

Well, I thought I'd escape winter and spring (which is actually a prolonged winter this year) without a rhinovirus cold thingy. But I've got an annoying tickle at the back of my throat and congestion and a bit of a fever. I'm not as weak as a kitten yet but I am failing rapidly.  I've got a HUGE work assignment to complete this week and a 340 mile trip back home after work Friday, which means I'll be driving into the night. Knowing rush hour tendencies if I leave at 5 I'll be lucky to be in my driveway by midnight. And that's if it isn't snowing on the damn pass!

Plus, I had a molar root canal last week and it's taken forever to heal up and simmer down, apparently it was over a MAJOR NERVE BUNDLE and a week of hellish mouth pain was to be expected. And my left knee popped yesterday under mysterious circumstances and I've been limping around ever since. Plus the Arcturian Horn-Worms implanted in my liver last summer when I was abducted by Arcturians the night I was camping by Emerald Creek, Idaho with my friend Kim (who I've come to realize is actually an Arcturian sympathizer if NOT actual emissary-spy) are about to realize their reproductive hopes, dreams  and desires as I sense their brood of probably TEN OR ELEVENTY GABILLION baby Horn-Worms are about to explode viciously hungry from their hard siliconized egg sacs embedded deep in my liver and chew their way out.

It isn't easy being me sometimes.

Well, I hope you're all happy!

And here are nu-metal emo rockheads Mudvayne sonically wondering that very same thang.

Game is On!

The game is still on, man! I know the Obama supporters are tearing their hair and holding their breaths until their faces turn a bright purple and then, when the oxygen deficit/carbon dioxide excess becomes too great to bear for even one more single solitary second they detonate the wind with percussive exhalations and shouts IT DOESN'T MATTER SHE'LL NEVER CATCH HIM JUST BAG IT, HILL! YOU'RE DESTROYING THIS PARTY AND THAT OLD BASTARD WARLORD CREEP MCCAIN'S GONNA WIN! WE ARE BEING RENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNT ASUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDER BY YOUR MADNESS!

Oh stop. We are not. McCain's roadkill regardless. The economy is perched, teeteringly, on a global collapse, I mean a serious global collapse that will cause many of us with woodcraft skills to go into the forests to survive and beat back the screaming hordes of city people, starving for meat and thirsting for water staggering blindly their lives obliterated by a world depression of biblical proportions, and trust me, either Dem is gonna clean up in November. Plus, Iraq remains the thorn in the side of any Republican. If I was a Dem adviser I'd write an ad that simply begins with an unflattering anger management issue shot of of McCain, a voiceover "John McCain believes your sons and daughters need to die in Iraq for another 100 years" then cut to coffins being offloaded and scroll the extrapolated death and wounding toll for 100 years. He's toast. John McCain = Bob Dole.

So, I'm cool with the slugfest for awhile. The Dem wonks are gathering more voter data on voters and that will help them post convention.  Obama needs the toughening up a protracted campaign will give him. Think Hill is a meanie pie, unfairly smearing and suggesting BAD THINGS about you, Barack? Wait until the Republican Hate Machine gets rolling. These guys are the pros at lying and smearing Dems. You need the training.

Finally, I think Hillary running to the bitter end and ultimately losing, let's us finally put to bed (heh) the Clinton era.  I tend to diverge from many of the true believer liberals who despise Wild Bill and Hill. I remember, quite fondly, those years, the booming economy, technological changes, and his charisma. The Bush/Cheney years have been a nearly unendurable slog through a dying swamp of hate, lies, and an imperial arrogance that this nation has not suffered under since we tossed the redcoats of King George. But we need the Bush/Clinton/Bush cabals to go away. So let the Clintonistas have their day in the fading sun. They did bring us a lot once upon a time.

Now, in honor of my Barack bros out there, here's a video and remember you can't fight the seether. So let it all out. See you this summer!


Is it REALLY 5 lbs Off?

I'm about halfway through a short story I'm writing. My short story is set in an imaginary post global warming/ice age central and eastern Washington state way way in the future.

In the story, the protag takes a moment to reflect on an ex love and the gifts she gave him just before she broke it off with him. 

Kim, thanks again for the vintage marbles! But NO THANKS for telling me your weigh scale was FIVE POUNDS UNDER ZERO, which I don't believe because I recall, in my early morning haze-mind-foggy-place that it was around zero and you often laugh when I ask you 3 or 4 times a day on the phone if it really was UNDER FIVE POUNDS or if you are just messing with me. Your differential answers are not placating.

I love this video, pay close attention to the skaters laughing at the end. That old woman is the old woman I WANT TO BE ONE DAY.

ASK ME!

ASK ME HOW I LOST 10 LBS IN ONE MONTH!!

Ok. I moved. I moved to a little studio apartment where I can walk to and from work every day. I moved to a little studio apartment where I can walk to and from work every day including home for lunch. 

I hardly eat fast food anymore. I walk more. I've dropped a cool 10 in the first month I've been here.

I think these minor changes (I'm not dieting at all, I eat plenty) have tricked my trick-prone body into resetting its metabolism up the dial from "1.3: Fossilizing Brontosaurus" to "2.7: Somnolent squirrel rolling over after post-coital squirrel love but skipping the 'acorn talk'"

I would love to get back to my early adulthood metabolism level of "8.6: Hamster on methamphetamine/high-fructose sugar drip spinning his titanium hamster-wheel on the Planet Mercury."

But for now, I'm very pleased at this weigh scale surprise. I see a future without elastic banded casual slacks. A future where I can cannonball off the bow of my Bayliner into Upper Twin Lake and NOT reset the entire Spokane Aquifer water levels. A future where I am svelte and gazelle like.

I'm so celebrating.  Ice cream and hot fudge, man. I completely deserve it.